When the Heart Divided is Yours

A sobering moment early this morning:

I was sitting on the couch.

My opened Bible on my lap.

I would intermittently sip from my mug and stare at the tree in the front yard, excited about the bright green buds on its winter-worn branches. I glanced at my Bible, gently swiping through the delicate pages and hoping a passage would pop out at me.

That’s when I realized:

I was peering at the pages past a social media feed on my phone, which I held in the non-swiping hand. And for as nonchalantly as I was swiping the pages left and right, you’d think I was on Tinder (if I were on Tinder) instead of in the Word.

Beside me, my work laptop hummed then hushed as it woke up and waited for 8:30, when I’d be due to start hustling, replying to coworker emails and writing for the day.

Oh, God, I audibly whispered to Him.

I’ve been in denial — but in this moment the evidence was hard to deny:

Evidence of a divided heart.

Of MY heart divided.

Had a friend physically been here, you better believe I wouldn’t be loitering on my phone, checking and rechecking social notifications. You better believe my work computer would be tucked away until its turn (after my friend’s visit). Because I value them and the time with them.

And yet, there is a Friend here, and I’m not only being rude to Him, I’m being rude to myself. I shortchange myself when I allow distractions to compete for my attention and my fellowship with Him. Now more than ever, I need Him. And more than ever, He deserves my fullest, best attention: heart, mind, soul, and strength.

It was a sad realization, to see the distraction and division that has seeped into my own heart. None of this is to say that social media or work is wrong. No, not at all. And God does not mean for this morning’s revelation to shame me. He reveals not to embarrass us but to embrace us.

But at this moment, in this season of my life, I think I’ve feared idleness and ended up in the thick of idolness.

You may or may not be able to relate.

But I promise…social media can wait.

IMG_1385-RebeccaHalton-CityLifestyle-160607-2Rebecca Halton is the author of Words from the Other Woman: The True Account of a Redeemed Adulteress (read the first chapter here).

She’s a self-professed redemption advocate, who’s increasingly — and less apologetically — learning to embrace grace, be real, and choose faith in the midst of whatever life may bring. Facebook / Instagram